Chances We Take
by ChristianGateFan
Summary: A chance for a long normal life isn't a guarantee. When Rose's world in the parallel universe falls apart she finds a way to look for the one man she wants to comfort her. What she wants is simple, but not. Then again, sometimes happily ever after is like that. Sometimes it's complicated. Sometimes it has to wait. Sometimes it is isn't what you pictured. Sometimes it's a journey.
1. Chapter 1

So! First Doctor Who fic. Started watching a month and a half ago, almost done with season six now. Still a sucker for the whole Doctor and Rose thing, and in general this show may be the death of my sanity. So ANYhoo.

Let's see, I don't own any of these characters, etc bla bla...

This takes place right after Planet of the Dead, once we get back to the usual universe. Please do review so I know how I'm doing and such. Thanks for reading!

Chances We Take

Parallel World, 2015

The ground was cold. There were so many other details she could have focused on, but for some reason she couldn't keep away from noticing how cold the ground was. It was pavement; it wasn't supposed to be this cold. It was supposed to trap the heat of the day for a while, wasn't it?

It hadn't been dark long. The pavement was nearly black. It should have been warmer. Maybe it was her.

Whether it was in her head or not, she had to keep him off the cold ground. The cold couldn't be helping. Maybe if she kept him warm—maybe if she kept him close—he would still be here when help arrived. Maybe he would make it. Maybe somehow the warmth would encourage the miracle they sorely needed.

"Look at me. Focus on me!"

Muddled brown eyes obeyed, and in a moment they were clear again.

"Rose…"

Physically he was slipping away, but calling him back to lucidity hadn't been difficult. For a moment she didn't understand, but then her own mind cleared. Maybe his body was mostly human, but his mind was still that of a Time Lord. Of course it wouldn't be so easy to put it out of commission.

Of course, that probably meant he was also much more aware of the pain than a typical human would have been in that moment.

Rose clutched her husband's upper body close in on her lap, brushing the damp hair from his grime-smeared forehead. "Hold on. Help's coming." The rest of the team had already called for it. The problem was they were in half of the middle of nowhere. "You are not goin' anywhere on me, you understand?"

"That would…be difficult," he gasped quietly. "I c….Rose, I c-can't feel my legs…can't feel…"

She swallowed, found his hand and threaded her fingers through his. "That's probably a good thing," she answered honestly.

They were crushed, she didn't know how badly, and still trapped under the wreckage she knelt beside now. She knew he'd assessed that when he glanced down and made a face.

"Oh. Brilliant."

She almost laughed. She might have laughed, if that were all. But that wasn't all, and she held on tighter when his body tensed from the movement he'd induced. He gasped and slumped back onto her knees. He was trembling now.

"Rose…!"

He understood now. His head was clear, and the pain was shaking him. Or maybe it was fear. His hands clasped uselessly at the gashes along his abdomen from the creature they'd just managed to kill.

He hadn't wanted to have to kill it. Of course he hadn't. But it was loose on earth and it was killing humans and it wouldn't listen to reason.

Nearly six years as a human and he still refused to carry a real weapon. She loved him for it, but right now she would give anything to go back and change it.

"I know! I know…I know…" She tried to calm him. She stroked his cheek with her thumb, wiping away the first few tears as she did it. "You'll be all right. We'll get you to a hospital and you'll heal up good as new and back to work in a few weeks, yeah? We've been through worse. You'll be fine."

"No. I won't be."

"Sure you will," she shot back quickly.

He pulled in a steadying breath, grimaced, and when he was calm he found her eyes. "Rose, my body is shutting down," he said quietly. "I can feel it. If medics arrived now—_right_ now—they still couldn't do anything for me."

"But you're—"

"You know why I'm still lucid. I saw you figure it out. I saw it in your eyes."

There was a struggle in his eyes then, a war with the pain and a groan bitten back. He tensed again before he'd beaten it back once more.

He swallowed. "I love you…"

Three little words; the words that began everything for them on that beach that day…when he was the one to answer her question, and the original Doctor chose to walk away and let him. She couldn't say it had all been easy since then, but it had been a life, together, and it had been a good one.

"It's not fair," Rose protested.

Her Doctor's brave face disappeared almost immediately. "No. No it's not."

There was a real cry of pain this time. She kissed his forehead and sobbed once. "You're not supposed to go yet. There's a Tardis growing in our garage! Another year or two, you said. That's all. And it'll be ready and we're supposed to be out there again, doing what we do best. The Doctor, in the Tardis, with Rose Tyler, remember?"

"I know…and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should've…should've just given you the normal life together part of you always wanted…part of _me _always wanted. I should have been content with that! I was supposed to be human. I shouldn't have pushed us toward staying with the Torchwood here. I shouldn't have kept chasing…aliens, and-and adventure, and…"

Her chest ached, listening to him go on like that. She silenced him with a kiss. He returned it eagerly, desperately, but she felt him trembling still through the contact.

"But you wouldn't really be you without it, would you?" she answered gently. "I don't regret it—not any of it. We had the best of both worlds, didn't we?"

"Literally, really…" he trailed weakly.

This time Rose did laugh. She laughed a little, because he did. Because for a moment the familiar spark was there. He grinned, and his eyes lit up, and for a moment nothing else mattered.

Then his back arched away from her knees as he gasped, because he was still hurting terribly and there was nothing she could do about it. She didn't even have an extra layer of anything to remove to press against the wounds.

_Don't die!_

She choked back another sob because she remembered. She remembered being here before. Not really here, but with the Doctor dying in her arms. She'd done this before, before this Doctor existed. She'd knelt on cold wet pavement and wondered if it were the end.

This time it was. This would not end as well as that. This time there wouldn't be any regenerating, or healing, or anything else.

He was limp on her knees, spent. "I'm sorry," he said again then. "I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with you…it wasn't supposed to be this short." He was crying now, not because he was dying but because she would be left behind. She knew him well enough to know that was what he cared about.

There were plane tickets on the counter at home. A present for their fourth anniversary next week. The new Tardis wasn't ready yet; in lieu of saving the world from the planet's surface the rest of the earth was all they had to explore for now.

"I wanted to take you…everywhere. I wanted to…give you a family and take them all everywhere." He stopped to groan loudly. Rose stroked his hair back and didn't know what else to do. She held him.

"It isn't your fault."

"It feels like it…"

"No. Don't. It isn't." He looked in her eyes for a long time then and he seemed, at least, to believe her. He tried to lift his hand to her cheek, but he wasn't strong enough anymore. She held it there for him. "This is really, really stupid, but it isn't your fault."

He laughed again, once, and there was joy and heartbreak on his face at once. "I love you, Rose Tyler."

"I love you, too."

He smiled, gulped back when he nearly cried again, and his eyes closed. For a moment everything in Rose was frozen, because she was afraid that was it. She was afraid he was gone.

He wasn't, but when his eyes opened again they were hazy. "Oh…" he mumbled. "There it goes then…everything fuzzy and strange…"

"Doctor…!" Her voice rose in alarm.

She didn't often call him that aloud anymore. That was who he was to her, but in this world he was John Smith—old friend of the Tyler family to begin with, when he started in this world. Now the husband of Rose Tyler. She'd kept her own name because his wasn't quite real anyhow.

He heard her. He struggled to focus on her, one more time. "Rose…we had a…a plan. Tell me…tell me again. The plan."

She stroked his hair still, and his cheek. "Well…we uhm…we got married already, didn't we? Did that. Had adventures, right here on Earth. Space and time again are next, you know, soon as the Tardis is ready. We'll be right back out there…and it'll be all new this time. New universe, new worlds maybe. It's all different, and we're gonna see it, yeah? Then…"

Her voice broke, and she had to clear her throat to continue. "Then we'll have kids, and we'll show it all to them…have someone to leave the Tardis to when we're old and gray and everythin.'"

"Right…old and gray," he mumbled. "I was supposed to die old and grey." His eyes closed again. "So…we're old and grey then."

"Yeah…old and grey"

"Where are we…?"

Rose had to swallow past the lump in her throat again. "We've uhm…we've got the Tardis parked on a mountain…and we've…" She laughed weakly at the image in her own head. "We've got rockin' chairs out in front of it like proper old people, looking out over the most beautiful valley in the universe."

"Sounds like a good plan, that…" His eyes flickered open blearily, just for a second, and the corner of his mouth quirked up. Rose kissed him again, and this time he wasn't trembling.

This time when she pulled back he wasn't moving at all.

"Doctor? No…Doctor! John! Doctor, please…!"

* * *

Three Days Later

Jackie refused to let her go, keeping her locked in an embrace for what seemed like forever. Rose didn't really mind, for once.

She couldn't know when she would see her mother again. If ever.

"You're sure you need to do this, sweetheart? You've got a family here…the three of us, at least. We love you…"

She hugged her father, and her little brother. When she straightened from squeezing little Tony she pushed out an unsteady breath. "I have to find him, Mum. I just…I have to. I'd take all of you, but…your home is here now. You're settled. You're happy. I can't just…"

"You've been happy here too, love."

"I was." She swallowed, shook her head to clear it. "It doesn't matter. They've only got enough energy to bring me along, just barely, and it's taken them years to recover enough to go back at all. I have to go, and I have to go alone."

She felt them behind her then, moving closer. She felt it in the warmth that crept over her skin.

_Rose Tyler. Do you understand the danger?_

They were inter-dimensional beings, cut off from the other half of the last of their kind when the rifts closed those years ago—the last time she saw the Doctor. They'd shown themselves not long after, proven themselves to be peaceful and only in need of a safe place to rest until they cold travel home. They were originally from the same universe Rose was born in. They were made to travel between, but the rifts had made it easier for a while. The sudden closure had…injured them, as far as Rose could understand it.

After all, all she saw when she looked at them was a small cloud of colorful light. When they spoke, it was telepathically.

"I know what I'm doing," she said. "You explained everything."

_We must be clear. It is not often physical beings travel with us. You must be temporarily converted to pass through, and it is dangerous. There may be unforeseen difficulties, or time shifts while passing through._

"Rose…" Jackie said anxiously.

She turned again to take her mother's arms. "Mum, I'm going to be _fine_."

They knew of the Doctor. Once they passed through, they assured her, they could take her to him immediately. They could detect him, and the Tardis. She'd known for a while now that they knew of him.

"Then why doesn't he know about you?" she'd asked once.

_The Time Lords always believed travel between parallel worlds was all but impossible—and only dangerous when it was. For the sake of staving off chaos it was always easiest to allow them and the rest of the universes to continue to believe that. _

"But it _is_ really only dangerous—for those of us in physical form, anyway."

_Yes. But you have helped us, as did your mate. You are in such distress, now. We will help you, if you will accept the danger. _

That was yesterday. She'd been here, because she couldn't bear to be at home. There were memories of her husband here, too, but at least here there were other people.

Yesterday she'd turned them down. Yesterday she thought of her parents, and Tony. Yesterday she'd wanted to pretend she would be all right.

Then this morning she was here again. This morning she sat stiffly through John Smith's memorial service here at this world's Torchwood. She sat, and she couldn't breathe. She was surround by what little family she had left and the friends she'd made since she'd come here, but she'd never felt so alone.

"I changed my mind. Take me with you."

She ran to them, as soon as it was over. She was crying, but it wasn't a rash decision. Not really. There would never be another chance like this, to get through. She had to take it. She had to take it because she would never love anyone else, and she knew it. And they were leaving today.

"Please take me with you."

_For you, and for the Doctor. We will deliver you to his other self. Thank you for all that the both of you have done._

They waited, while she went home with her mother to change, and to pick up a thing or two. She couldn't take much—only what she could zip into her jacket pockets.

She said goodbye to the growing Tardis. When she pressed a hand to it's still-sealed, unfinished door and told it why she had to go it seemed to understand. It had felt his death, mostly human though he was. It didn't want to live without him, either. Once she was gone, she understood, it would shut down its own growth cycle. It would never be born. Rose was sorry, and it seemed to understand that, too.

"Don't go," Jackie tried, one more time.

"I'm sorry."

Her mother sighed. "_I'm_ sorry…that this happened."

"Give him our best, then," Pete said, smiling unevenly.

She nodded wordlessly. She hugged them all one more time and backed up quickly into the embrace of her transport before she could change her mind again. "I love you. All of you."

_You are ready, Rose Tyler?_

Her gaze strayed across the room, to the desk that had belonged to John Smith until three days ago—the desk that was empty now. From here she could see the frame on the desk; their wedding photo. She blinked away tears and nodded sharply.

"I'm ready."

* * *

Original Universe, 2009

The Doctor was alone. He was trying to remember the thrill he'd felt when he helped Christina to escape the police instead of what Carmen had said to him.

He knew her ability was real. He knew it was a prophecy, but he refused to think about it now.

He was moving—just moving. It was just him, in the Tardis, alone in space because he didn't know where he wanted to go. He had his library and his swimming pool. Usually he would be somewhere, always somewhere, always going, just to keep himself from thinking. But it didn't seem like that was going to work right now, so here he was.

That was why he was caught off guard when the Tardis shook. He shot into the control room and he couldn't quite believe the readouts. "What? What…?"

The shaking stopped. The readings were still there. There was also some kind of strange glow from behind him now, he realized.

Then there was a voice, behind him where the light was, and he couldn't believe that, either.

"Doctor…?"


	2. Chapter 2

Hi ya'll! Thanks to who did review! I hope to hear from more of ya'll, cause it really help! :) I get all sad and stuff and can't write when nobody reviews. ;)

Thanks so much for reading, and I hope you enjoy the chapter!

Chapter 2

The Doctor spun in place, and behind him above the ramp was the light. The light was remarkable enough—swirling colors and shimmering—but what was more unbelievable was the owner of the voice standing below on the ramp itself. He gaped for a bit before he could get anything out.

"I don't understand…"

"It's all right…I'm real, and no holes in time and space because I'm here."

"But…how…?"

He didn't want to be standing here asking questions—he really didn't—but the part of him that knew his duty to the universe wouldn't allow him to move until he was certain of what he was seeing.

"Few new friends—interdimensional."

"But that's impossible."

"Apparently not."

A breath the Doctor didn't realize he'd been holding came out in a rush, and it wasn't particularly easy getting another. "Rose…" he managed finally.

Finally she smiled, and it was like a switch that kicked him into motion. He was down the ramp with his arms around her before he was quite certain he'd moved at all.

No complications, no Daleks, no one else this time. He went to her and he threw his arms around her and nothing stood in their way this time. They stayed like that for a long while, maybe because neither of them really wanted to get to what came next…the rest of the hows and whys.

She was alone. Why was she alone? Why did she look older than what the few months gone would have done to her? When they pulled back enough to see each other he saw it in her eyes.

"Rose?" A hand went to her cheek, stroked it with a thumb as he studied her, and she knew what question he was asking.

"Bit of time shift during the transfer. It's been almost six years for me."

That in itself was a bit of a shock, but—

"No, not that; you look wonderful—god, you look wonderful—but I don't understand. You're here alone. What about…?"

He didn't really know how to refer to the human copy of himself he'd left her with, but before he could search for the correct term Rose's eyes had filled and she was looking away. She pulled in a sharp breath, and her hand came up to grip the one he'd rested on her face.

"He's…gone."

"What?"

There wasn't time for her to answer him. In the next instant she shouted and doubled over.

"Rose!" The Doctor caught her, shifting so when she went down she was doubling over his arm so he could lower her carefully to the ground. "What's happening to her!"

Dimensional shifts, time shifts, and his mind raced with what might be wrong and the light was still there and he hoped they knew. When Rose shouted and the Doctor cried out to it the light reached out to her; touched her as if examining her.

"What is it! What did you do to her!"

_We did nothing purposefully. We wished only to help her. Dimensional travel is always dangerous. We warned her of this. Still, we believed she was unharmed. _The light still played over her as he held her, squirming in his arms and gasping in pain.

"Doctor!"

"I know!" He held her tighter as the light flared brighter and red.

_That is why. There are cells that are unstable from the transfer. A condition we were unaware of caused difficulty in re-integration. We must apologize deeply; were not aware she was with child._

"I'm with WHAT!"

"What!" the Doctor echoed.

The light became a swirling mass of activity over them. _We are attempting to compensate. We are failing._

Rose was crying now. "Oh god…"

She cut off in a scream, and the Doctor couldn't breathe. "Hold on!" He looked up into the light desperately. "Let her go then! Maybe I can help her!"

_We are once again supporting her now. If we release her and you fail, she will die with the child._

"What's the alternative?"

_If we take her back into us they will live. They will remain with us, but they will live._

"No!" Rose protested.

"That's not a life! Not a human life. You have to let me help her. I have a medical bay—technology humans could only dream of. I should be able to stabilize her, but you have to let her go!"

_The danger is too great._

"Listen, I know you care about her! I can feel that. I know it, but I promise you I can help her." He wouldn't allow anything else to be true. He couldn't lose her again. Not like this. Not now. "Please!"

After another moment the light drew away, and the Doctor scooped Rose into his arms and he ran. The medical bay wasn't far, and the light followed but it did not intrude. It let him bring her there and put her on a bed under a scanner. She was still shouting and everything in him ached because if it.

He pinpointed the area—oh god, she really was pregnant—and he knew what he had to do but he didn't like it.

The punch of a few buttons on the side of the medical bed brought the multi-function scanner down over her midsection. He was calibrating it to admit the right type of pulse when a hand clamped around his wrist.

"What are you doing? Can you fix it?" Rose gasped. "Tell me you can fix it!"

"I can. I can!" Last calculation. There. It was ready. It was a good thing, too, because the rest of her body would begin to break down within moments if she wasn't stabilized. He leaned over her. "I can fix it. You'll be fine, I promise. But we've got to stabilize the cells—the fetus and surrounding tissue, all out of place because yours friends didn't know about it to watch for reintegrating it."

"Ne-Neither did I." She was shivering from the effort of focusing on what he was saying rather than on the pain.

He could sympathize. He'd changed every cell in his body once, to become human to hide from the Family of Blood. He knew how much it hurt.

"It's going to hurt, to fix it."

"Can't b-be worse than-th-than this."

The Doctor swallowed. "It can. I'm sorry. But only for a moment, and you'll be fine. I promise you'll be fine."

"Then do it!" she hissed through clenched teeth.

The hand around his wrist moved enough to squeeze his hand instead, and he didn't have the heart to pull it away before he had to punch the initiation button on the scanner. The stabilizing pulse ripped through both of them because she had his hand. It wouldn't really harm him, but it hurt just the same. He heard himself scream and opened his eyes on the ground beside the medical bed.

* * *

"Ohhh…" He groaned and sat up, disoriented. "All right, that was worse than I expected." What was? It took a moment for his memory to reassert itself. "Rose!" He snagged the edge of the bed above to pull himself up more quickly, and found Rose unmoving on the bed.

_She is merely unconscious. You have succeeded. She is well. _It was the multi-voice of the light, still nearby.

The Doctor punched at the scanner for a moment. "They both are," he murmured.

_And we thank you._

He turned to look at the light. "And what about you, then? What are you? How do you know her?"

_Very few of our kind remain. We had banded together, but were separated when the rifts in the universe closed so suddenly. We were weakened by the collapse…unable to travel as freely as we are usually capable of. Rose Tyler and her companions at the place called Torchwood assisted us…harbored us until we were strong enough to travel home._

"And…you can travel freely between dimensions—between universes. How can you do that without causing damage to the fabric of space-time?"

_There are things that even the Time Lords never understood, Doctor. That is why we kept our existence from your people. You were not ready._

The breath he released was almost a laugh. It was difficult to contemplate what the light was telling him, but should it really be? Who were the Time Lords to think there was no one above them?

"Thank you," he said finally, because there was nothing else he could say. "For looking after her."

_It was all that we could do. You are welcome. We hope that she finds some happiness here, in the least._

"What happened?" the Doctor asked anxiously. "Why did she come looking for me? She wasn't supposed to be alone where she was; she was supposed to be happy. I wanted her to—"

_It would be more pertinent for her to tell you what has occurred herself._

He scowled, but they were right.

_We must be on our way. Please convey our gratitude once more to Rose Tyler when she wakes._

"Right…right, of course. I won't keep you then."

_Goodbye, Doctor._

The light shimmered away, and he was alone with an unconscious Rose.

He turned back to her. Her left arm was hanging off the bed from when she'd been holding his hand. He'd fallen…pulled it down with him, he supposed. Gently he lifted her arm and draped it across her stomach. He held her hand there for several long seconds, just wondering what was wrong and at the same time still amazed she was really here.

It wasn't until then that he saw the wedding ring on her finger, and he swallowed hard.

_He's…gone. _

"Oh Rose, what's happened?" he whispered.

* * *

Rose couldn't quite remember what it felt like, to be dematerialized like that. Once one wasn't there anymore it was hard to fathom. But she was at Torchwood, and then there was…a time. They were traveling. It wasn't exactly instantaneous, but it wasn't really time, either. They were moving through time, though, to some extent. She could feel the answer. She knew, as they came to where they were going, that it had only been a few months here.

Then she was there, on the Tardis. She was just…standing there, watching the Doctor from behind as he tried to make out his scanner readings and it was funny and it broke her heart all at once.

When she woke she opened her eyes to the room she'd used when she lived here. From what she could see lying on her back on the bed it hadn't changed at all.

"Doctor?"

"I'm right here."

He was. He was right there, in a chair at her bedside. She reached out a hand and he took it, and he smiled uncertainly. "I didn't think you would want to wake up in the medical bay."

"What happened?" She remembered most of it, but some of it was a blur. She remembered that it hurt.

"We fixed it. You. You're fine. I promised you, didn't I?"

"Yeah…"

She sat up quickly, when the rest came to her. "God…!" She'd moved too quickly. She slumped over, dizzy, but the Doctor caught her and he moved to the edge of the bed to sit to keep her upright.

"Take it easy, Rose. You're stable but you might feel a little under the weather for a while. Don't…overdo it, or anything like that."

"Might have said something sooner," she grumbled.

"Sorry. Bit scatter-brained at the moment, myself."

Rose swallowed. "I don't blame you." She rubbed a hand over her middle and her breath caught. "Oh my god…am I really pregnant?"

She heard him sigh a little; she wasn't really focusing on him. "Yes. Just about four weeks. If the morning sickness hasn't started—and I assume it hasn't because you didn't know—then it will soon enough."

"Bit queasy now, to be honest. May or may not be related."

The Doctor pulled her in close then and held her in an embrace she eagerly welcomed. For a while he didn't say anything, though she knew he had to have questions.

"What happened?" he asked finally. He sat back enough to look at her, but he still had her arms. He was still supporting her, and she was glad of it because she needed that now. She opened her mouth, but nothing wanted to come out. It didn't help that he had that face—the one where he was so desperately afraid that _he_ had made a mistake and whatever was wrong was somehow his fault.

"We were…we were happy." She had to start with that or she would never get anywhere. "He—the other you…" She twisted her wedding ring on her finger. "We've been married four years…or we would have been next week." She took an unsteady breath. "But you know me…you know yourself. We couldn't just…stay away. From all of it. Donna's formula worked, but the new Tardis was still taking time to grow, and I was already with the Torchwood there. He just…joined us." She sobbed once. "But he's…he was human. Just as vulnerable as the rest of us…"

"No…Rose…"

"Something happened…an alien. An accident."

She couldn't really look at him while she was saying it all, but she knew she couldn't go any further so she looked at him now. His eyes were already damp.

"I'm sorry. I am_ so_ sorry, I—" He was up in an instant, pacing back and forth in quick motions. She knew he was upset—upset that anything had hurt her. It was the way he was. He kicked the dresser leg with a frustrated sound and then he was calm again. He controlled himself and he came back to the chair by the bed. He dropped into it with his forehead in his hands.

"It wasn't supposed to be like that," he managed finally. "That wasn't what I wanted for you."

"Well of course it wasn't…" She reached for his hand again, pulled one from his face and laced their fingers. "I know that. You wanted me to be happy."

He pushed out a breath that was almost a sob, and he wouldn't look at her. He was still staring at the floor. "I'm sorry…"

"Doctor, you did the right thing. We _were_ happy."

He scrubbed his free hand over his face and looked up again, stricken, but he looked like he wanted to believe her.

Rose wanted to say more, but that was when the nausea won. It won quite suddenly, really. It was all she could do to jump from the bed and hurry into the small attached bathroom in time.

* * *

He was dead, then, the Doctor thought miserably. His duplicate, his other self…his only means of making Rose happy…

And he would have become his own person soon enough, the Doctor knew. He would have become someone different—someone with the Doctor's memories, but dealing with them as a human. He would have been much the same, but different still. He would have been his own man—a man Rose had fallen in love with and, apparently, chosen to marry in the traditional human way.

She had clearly loved him, and now he was dead.

It meant a lot of things…that she was properly grown up now, and not the young woman who'd traveled with him, among other things.

It meant she wasn't really his anymore. Not that he'd ever laid claim…no, it was the one thing he couldn't say, and that had cost him. But to think that she was happy, in the other world, was what had kept him going since saying goodbye the second time.

Now what?

He felt her hand warm in his, but he was lost in his own thoughts when she sprang from the bed and all but stumbled into the toilet.

"Rose?" He jumped up as well, but abruptly realized he probably should not follow. He didn't know how she would feel about that, anyhow, even if she were only being sick. So he waited just outside the open door, leaning heavily into the wall wincing at the sound of her retching and wishing he knew what to do. He always knew what to do…had some sort of hunch, at least. But this?

She was unsteady, trying to come back out into the bedroom. He supposed it was also the after-effects of the stabilizing beam. He'd had to wait a little while before he could carry her here, himself.

He caught her before her knees could hit the ground. He thought he should have been able to help her back up and straight to the bed, but maybe he wasn't quite as well as he thought. Whatever energy he'd used to carry her before was gone again now, so instead he lowered her gently to the floor and knelt beside her.

"Rose? Are you all right?"

She nodded, but she'd begun to cry. "He's not here. He should be here. I'm-I'm pregnant. He should be here. He wanted this almost m-more than I did. He should be here."

His chest tightened, and he didn't know what to do but hold her. "I'm sorry," he said again. "I'm so sorry." He hugged her tight and she was crying into his shoulder, and he didn't know what else to do.

"Wha' am I supposed to do?" she cried.

He choked back a sob of his own, because he didn't know. "I'll take care of you. I swear. I'm going to take care of you…"

He didn't know how, but he knew he had to. It was the only promise he could make. He kept saying it, and he didn't know whether he kept saying it to reassure her….or to tell himself he wouldn't fail this time.

"I'll take care of you. I'll take care of you. I will…"


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks so much for the reviews ya'll! I can't wait to keep hearing from ya'll, and don't be afraid to be detailed! ;) Lol, thanks again! I hope you enjoy the chapter.

Chapter 3

"Rose…you need rest. And I would be happy to carry you back to your bed again, but to be quite honest I don't know that I can at the moment."

It had been quiet for a little while now. Her sobs had died away and all she could do was cling to the Doctor and wonder what came next. She was tired. She knew that, and he seemed to have picked it up.

She let out a breath, and from it came a small chuckle. "It isn't any wonder—I know what you did, you idiot. You could have let go."

She hadn't figured it out until a while after waking, and even then it had simply sat in the back of mind until now. Now she could feel his head heavy leaning against hers, and his arms around her loosening tiredly, and she knew that stupid stabilizing beam had to have affected him too. Because she hadn't been thinking and she'd grabbed his hand because she was afraid and it had hurt him.

"Didn't really think about it," he mumbled against her hair.

"'Course you didn't. You're you." She sighed. "Come on…I can get up myself now if you can."

There was a wordless grunt of assent, and carefully they stood, keeping hold of each others' arms just in case. The Doctor guided her back to the bed, and she felt like a child as he tucked her back in.

It wasn't something he had done before—this Doctor. For all their hugging and handholding and cheek kissing in the old days, maybe something like this would have been a little_ too_ familiar. A little _too_ human. But his human counterpart had done it. He'd turned into a veritable mother hen whenever his wife was ill. Maybe that was why her eyes filled again when the Doctor bent to kiss her forehead before he left.

"Rest," he was saying. "You know where I'll be."

He smiled at her and tried to leave, but she caught his hand. "Don't go."

His face changed. It became troubled and sympathetic, and he knelt by the bed and took a breath. He was at eye level now, when he looked at her, with her head on the pillow. She knew he was going to say no, and she spoke first.

"Just stay until I'm asleep…that's all I want. I'm not ready to be alone."

He squeezed her fingers gently and winced before he looked her in the eyes again. "I'm not him."

"I know that."

"I can take care of you, but I can't replace him." His eyes looked so tired when he said it—so weary. Rose wondered if she looked that awful. She supposed she did. In any case, she wanted to comfort him but she didn't know what to say. It seemed to be the theme of the day, really.

"I know. That's not what I want I just…I don't want to be alone."

He studied her for several long seconds, and finally he nodded silently. He got up—a little unsteady still, she noticed—and he toed off his shoes and loosened his tie and put his suit jacket over the chair he'd had beside the bed. Rose picked up the covers and he slipped under them with her.

"Thanks," she whispered. She laid her head against his chest and he held her. It was strange, hearing two hearts there again instead of just the one. Part of her wanted to imagine it was John holding her, but she couldn't—not with both of them beating in her ear.

Still, it was the Doctor. His double heartbeat was still a fond memory, even if it wasn't one associated with her husband. He was here, and he was holding her. It was more than she could have asked for now. Slowly she relaxed, being lulled to sleep by the soft sound and his gentle hands rubbing her back.

He was whispering, too, sometimes. She was relatively certain he was still apologizing.

* * *

The Doctor woke slowly and easily. Normally. It had been a long time since he'd had a good sleep, and the usual waking process gave him plenty enough time to remember the why and the how.

Rose. He stayed with her. She was really here and it wasn't a dream. He was in her bed because she didn't want to be alone. He'd held her until she slept, he thought…but then he could remember nothing more. By the time she drifted off he must have been too close to sleep himself to think of moving elsewhere.

He didn't open his eyes immediately. He nearly did, but then a stroke of panic hit him. For some reason he was afraid she would be angry that he'd stayed—presumptuous, perhaps. He wasn't her husband and he didn't want to hurt her by reminding her too much of him.

Of course he couldn't do anything about having the same face, but…well, damn. He opened his eyes tentatively, hoping she was still asleep and he could leave.

The other side of the bed was empty.

"Rose?"

He sat up, afraid something had happened. He didn't know what. He knew she was strong, his Rose, but she'd been so shaken. It wasn't only losing her husband; the fact of the pregnancy was not going to help her emotional stability.

It wasn't going to help his either, but that was neither here nor there at the moment…

The Doctor pushed that bit from his mind. He hurried out into the corridors still sans coat and shoes and with his tie hanging loose. After a few minutes he tracked the smell of tea to the kitchen, and let out a breath when he found Rose there. He padded in with his stocking feet and tried to make it look as if he hadn't been worried and running.

"'Morning."

She glanced back at him, smiled a little, and reached for a second mug.

"You actually slept."

"Right…I do that, occasionally."

"I know…but still, either that beam took even more out of you than you let on, or you haven't been sleeping like you should. I know you don't need as much as we humans do, but you've got to sleep sometime."

She came to the table that was between them and handed him one of the two mugs of tea. She gave him that searching look she was so good at. "So which is it?"

"I ahm…" He looked into his tea to avoid her gaze.

"I knew it. You haven't been sleepin' have you?"

"It's just…been difficult recently. That's all. Nothing serious."

"But there's still a reason. Tell me."

He shook his head, tugged a chair out, and sat down to his tea. "I'm fine." His own problems didn't matter now—not with Rose here, in need of his help and his support.

Rose let out a breath and sat down opposite him. It was quiet until she broached the silence with a quiet chuckle.

"It took him forever, you know—to get used to havin' to sleep most nights."

"Yeah?" He had to smile at that, because he knew he could imagine what that might be like for him.

"Yeah! He uhm…he started off just…staying at the mansion with us, you know, so…he was around, right at the beginning. We'd get up in the morning…find him still trying to stay awake or find him nodded off in the strangest places…"

She was smiling but it faltered, and she made a face and hid behind her cup as she sipped at her tea. The Doctor debated weather or not to reach for the hand on the table, and then he did anyway. He covered it with his own.

"Thank you…for staying with me last night," she sighed. There was a long pause. "So what now?"

"I told you I would take care of you, and that's what I'm going to do," he told her honestly. "I don't know what I can promise you, exactly…" He thought, with a pang, of the people who had told him that he would die. Carmen. Ood Sigma, months before that, when Donna was still with him. "But I will do everything I can to be sure that you're safe—that you're happy again. There is nothing I want more."

The devastation he'd felt for her last night took a sudden new stab at him, and he swallowed hard. "Rose, I'm so sorry. I thought I was giving you your happily ever after, and now—"

He had to stop, and her hand turned up under his and held it. She didn't tell him again that it wasn't his fault, because she'd said it and she probably knew it would do no good to say it again. Maybe it _wasn't_ his fault, but that didn't make it any easier to believe it.

"Anyhow, I'm sure Mickey will want to see you."

"How is he?"

"Fine, as far as I know. Last time I checked, well…you'll see Martha too, more than likely, if I take you to see him."

Her eyes brow went up. "Oh my god, really?"

"Well it makes a certain sort of sense, if you think about it. They'll be married soon enough; already been to the wedding, actually. Couldn't stand the suspense. Don't say anything."

Rose laughed—really laughed—and it was the best sound he'd heard in a day and a half.

* * *

It was just what she needed just then, really—her own Cardiff, in her own universe, and Mickey, and chips. He was alone when they knocked on his door and he nearly had a heart attack.

Once he'd gotten over the shock of seeing her and what had happened—the inevitable explanation—he took them down the street to the nearest café, and he paid for the chips and drinks for everyone. He sat close, still protective of her even though it had been a long time since they were a couple. They'd been through so much together it didn't seem strange at all.

The Doctor stayed on the other side of the table, munching his chips and content to let them catch up. Still, Rose was conscious that he was always keeping an eye on her, even of it was just the corner of one.

He was still worried about her, and she couldn't blame him. She was still worried about herself.

She was here. She'd done it. The Doctor was here, and Mickey was here, and Jack and Sarah Jane Smith were still in this universe somewhere. She wasn't alone. She felt so much better than she had alone at home, her husband dead and no hope to speak of.

So why did she still feel empty?

_I can take care of you, but I can't replace him._

He'd decided to be clear from the start, then. It was probably best. She needed the time and the space to mourn her husband in any case, but…it was more than just that. The Doctor was worried about her, and he felt guilty for what had happened, she knew, so he was more affectionate even than he had been in the past, but…he was making it clear already that it couldn't be more than that. He would take care of her. Nothing more.

She'd known it would be that way. She'd _known_, even before she came here. He was still a Time Lord, after all. He would still stay young and the same as she grew old and died. He couldn't spend the rest of his life with her and because he couldn't do that he couldn't admit that he loved her to anyone but himself.

Knowing he did would have to be enough.

"And you can't go back?" Mickey was asking.

She shook her head. "No…they had enough for one trip, and they were barely able to bring me along as it was. It'll be a while before they can do anything like that again. It won't take as long now, because this is the universe they were born in…the energy is more compatible, or something, but even then…they'll never be able to travel as freely as they could once. There are too few of them now. That has something to do with it. They need numbers. It's hard to explain; they didn't exactly tell me all of that. It's more like when I was with 'em I kind of…absorbed it. And now I'm not with them anymore I can't really explain it."

"Huh. I've seen plenty of weird, but that's weird."

"Yeah. You're tellin' me."

Martha met them before they left. Mickey must have messaged her, because she wasn't surprised to see who it was with her boyfriend. She hugged the Doctor, and then she hugged Rose too—a bit more awkwardly, but no less sincerely. She really was a nice girl, Rose thought. Martha was kind, and she was strong-willed. Rose could see why the Doctor had chosen her as a companion.

"Oi, Rose…" Mickey said, before they left. "Listen…if you ever need anything…a place to stay, anything. You can find me, all right? No offense, Doctor, but I don't think she'll want to be draggin' a baby around in the Tardis."

"Hmm? Right…right, none taken."

But he was frowning when they turned away to walk back to the Tardis, and Rose hadn't really known what to say to that so she'd thanked her old friend and they were on their way. The Doctor kept an arm around her shoulders the entire walk back.

When the Tardis door closed behind them she locked her arms around him and he turned to hold her.

"Mickey's right…" she managed after a moment. Whatever this was—whatever there was or wasn't going to be between them now—it couldn't last, could it? Not now. Not when there would be another life for her to care for.

"Who says so? He doesn't have to be."

"You can't stay out of trouble for five minutes says so," Rose protested miserably into his shoulder. "That no way to raise a kid, is it?"

"I think it'd be fun. Why not?"

"You can't be serious. You really think that?"

"I think we don't have to worry about it just yet. There's plenty of time."

"I have to start seeing a doctor soon. A doctor doctor. Don't want the poor thing to come out with two heads or anything like that."

"Two heads could be fun."

"God, shut _up_."

Th rest of the nervousness came out in a fit of giggles they shared. When he released her the Doctor shoved his hands in his pockets and wandered to the console. He ran an absent hand over it before he suddenly straightened and turned to her with a smile. He rocked back on his heels and grinned.

"So. Rose Tyler. You fancy traveling?"

Rose laughed again from where she'd been rooted to the ramp. She didn't know if it was more relief or if it was really that funny, but it didn't matter because she did. She wanted what he was offering—everything just like the old days, at least for a while. God she wanted it.

She came up the ramp and took the hand he was offering her. "Anywhere."

His face lit up, and for the first time since she'd come back here the sadness behind his eyes had well and truly fled for now.

"Allons-y!"


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry these chapters still aren't the longest. I'm on a quarter system, so finals are about now. Anyhow, I love hearing from ya'll! Couldn't do it without ya! Thanks so much for any reviews, and I hope you like this chapter. Thanks for reading!

Chapter 4

Rose and the Doctor stumbled inside the Tardis and quickly slammed the doors. Both of them were out of breath and laughing.

"What a surprise—great visiting priest isn't really a priest at all," Rose huffed.

"Oh, absolutely. Big shocker, that one," the Doctor agreed in mock seriousness. "Especially with the two of us in town."

There was banging on the doors from outside, but of course Rose knew there was nothing to worry about. They'd never get in, and certainly not with no technology to speak of.

"You really shouldn't have made them that angry."

"What? They needed to know they were being put on by an alien! A relatively hostile one at that."

"Couldn't have done it a different way?"

"Might not have noticed, otherwise."

"You nearly got us killed! About two or three different times."

"Nothing unusual, unless you're out of practice. _You_ loved every minute of it."

Rose opened her mouth, but she didn't have a protest to that. She smiled, and the Doctor grinned and dragged her up the ramp. "Where to next, then?"

"Somewhere quieter."

"Well that was _supposed_ to be a quiet little village…but all right, you're right; what sort of quiet?" he asked, hands hovering over the controls.

"I dunno. Nice and quiet and pretty, or nice and quiet and fun. Either way, _after_ I've had some sleep."

"Oh, now that's no fun."

"I'm just tired. That's not a crime, is it?" She started to retreat to her room, but had a thought and turned back to him for a moment. She touched his arm and leaned up to kiss his cheek. "Thanks, though. You're right; I've missed this. It was fun. Well, besides the being in danger for our lives and all, but that I'm used to."

As much as part of her wanted, to some extent, to just pretend this were the old days…it still needed to be said. He needed to know. She didn't tell him enough, back then. So she gave him a reassuring smile before she bounded down the opposite ramp and off toward her room, leaving him speechless in a way she felt was quite all right.

"You decide where! Wake me up in a few hours!" she called before she was around the corner.

* * *

The Doctor smiled to himself as Rose disappeared. He was glad she was happy, even if it was more on the surface than anything.

It had only been a few days, after all. A few days and a trip and a half, and three days before that she'd been widowed. He knew there would be so much more for her to work through. Well, for _them_ to work through, he supposed, seeing as he planned to help her in any way he could.

Well…

The smile disappeared.

He'd do everything he could for her while he was still alive, anyway.

* * *

Parallel World, 2011

Rose wasn't really asleep, but the scuffling at the window would have woken her if she had been.

Either way, it wouldn't have frightened her. She knew what it was.

She sat up in bed and waited with her best what-are-you-doing face as the window was finally shoved open and her fiancé tumbled rather ungracefully inside and onto her floor.

"Ow…" He got to his feet, mumbling to himself and turning his makeshift sonic screwdriver over in his hands. "Took far too long to get that open; still some kinks to work out on this, then. Blasted primitive technology…"

He glanced over at her only briefly, didn't seem surprised she was already awake, and twisted to examine the offending window locks. "Wait. It was locked! Why was it locked? You never lock it."

"We do happen to be getting married tomorrow. You're not supposed to be here, you know," Rose sighed.

"Well I couldn't sleep!"

"You could have used the front door."

He twisted back around to face her again, making a face. "Are you daft? It's the night before the wedding! Jackie would have killed me. Really, what would have been wrong with a good elopement?"

"Nothing, but we'd have had to do a proper wedding when we came back anyway."

"Right. That mother of yours again…"

"Exactly. Now what are you doing crawling in my window?"

"I told you—couldn't sleep." Only now the answer sounded a little evasive.

"Right," she said skeptically. She climbed out of bed and went to him, and when she plucked the sonic from him he almost protested. She laid it out of the way on the nightstand, and took his hands and tried to look him in the eyes. "What is it?" He pulled her into a tight embrace instead, evading her gaze.

"John?" He didn't answer—just clung to her. Rose let out a small breath and gently coaxed him over to the edge of her bed. It took a moment, but she convinced him to release her enough for them to sit. When they settled he was still facing her, still clinging to her arms.

"Something's wrong. What's wrong?"

Her Doctor swallowed, and his hands ran up and down her arms a few times as if convincing himself she was there. "Are we doing the right thing?" he asked finally.

Her eyebrows went up. "About what? Getting married?"

"That. Everything else. I don't know…"

Rose stroked his cheek gently, worried because he still wouldn't quite look at her. "What is it? What's brought this on?"

"I'm…" he hesitated. He started to shiver, and Rose pulled him in close again. "I'm scared, Rose," he answered after a moment.

"Why?"

He huffed out a breath as if to compose himself, but he still sounded a bit unsteady when he continued.

"The last time I was human I broke someone's heart. Broke it badly. Nothing went all that well, really, and I certainly didn't mean for any of it to happen that way, but it did. Maybe I'm just rubbish at being human. I _don't_ want to hurt you, Rose. That's the last thing I want. What if I do something stupid, or—"

"The last time? What are you talking about?"

So he told her. He told her everything, about the Family of Blood and the chameleon arch, and how he'd become human to hide so he wouldn't have to kill them. How Martha had looked after him because he'd had none of his memory then. How the human man he'd become had fallen in love with a nurse and the Doctor, when he was himself again, had left her behind. How the whole thing had gone badly.

He hadn't really been there, but it didn't matter. He had the memories. As far as_ he_ was concerned he'd been through all of it. He'd broken that poor woman's heart without meaning to.

"He loved her. That John Smith loved her, but it wasn't enough. What happened, happened anyway. "

Rose took his face in her hands and made him look at her. "That doesn't mean anything is goin' to happen to _us_. That was a different place…a different time…a different you. _This _John Smith loves _me_, and I think that's more than enough. He doesn't have to be perfect."

"No?"

"No. Hey…I know the last couplea years haven't been perfect, either. You had to get used to being human, and we had to get used to each other…Just because it was a bumpy ride sometimes doesn't mean we're not gonna make this work." She smiled a little, trying to cheer him. "You're not rubbish at being human. If you are, then we're all a little rubbish at it. Besides, if I didn't think it would work I wouldn't have said yes, would I?"

He laughed once in response, and the tension in his shoulders began to ease. She took the opportunity to kiss him with his face still in her hands, and for a few long, wonderful minutes there was nothing but each other.

"Can I stay?" her Doctor asked when he took a breath.

"As long as you're gone before Mum comes for me in the morning," she said, smiling against his lips.

Rose let her hands fall to their laps between them, and John took them and held on and his thumbs rubbed gentle circles into the back of them.

It was something they did. It meant something to them. Rose started it without meaning to, that first day on the beach. As the original Doctor disappeared in the Tardis and John came to her and took her hand. It was an absent motion; she did it because she could feel the fear in his grip, and even though he was a copy he was still the Doctor. She still wanted to reassure him. She still cared, though she didn't know how much yet.

They both held so tight that day; she because she'd lost the one thing she thought she wanted and he because he was afraid to lose the one thing he needed.

"He was right…I need you," he even admitted, the same day, once they were picked up and on the long journey back to London. They were sequestered in the back of Pete Tyler's truck, still locked together by those two hands because they had nothing else to hold on to. "I need you to know who I am."

She didn't kiss him again then. Not yet. It was a long time after that, before they kissed again. But even in that moment, she knew it would come to that. She needed him, too.

* * *

Original Universe, 2009

He waited twelve hours, and Rose still had not emerged from her room. Either she'd been more tired than she thought, or she was distracted. But she'd asked him to wake her up, so it seemed all right to at least find out which it was.

"Rose?" He knocked softly on the door. The lights were on, but she could always be asleep with them on. It had happened in the past.

"I'm up! You can come in."

He found her sitting on the bed with the coat she'd arrived in draped over her lap. There were a few things on the bed in front of her, and he remembered the coat had been heavy from the pockets when he'd gotten it off to move her to bed that first day.

"Sorry…I slept a lot longer than I thought I would." She scrubbed at her face subtly, and he realized her eyes were red. "Had a dream or two that set me off, I guess. I'm all right."

Her saying so negated the excuse to ask the question, so all the Doctor could do was sit on the edge of the bed and study her. "What have you got, then?" He supposed she likely wanted the subject to change, so he changed it.

"Not much. Could only bring what I could carry, and I didn't want to overload them. I knew they'd be strained as it was, bringing me with them…"

She was right; there wasn't much there—a small photo album open in her lap, two or three USB drives, a small box with a latch, and—

"Ooooh, is that what I think it is! May I?"

She smiled. "Sure."

He picked up the device and turned it over in his hands. "Oh, you are beautiful!" he told it in delight. It was a somewhat makeshift version of a sonic screwdriver; larger than his and less streamlined, but the light was still blue.

"Couldn't live without one, he said," Rose told him in amusement.

"Quite right, too! I agree completely. If I'd had a spare I'd have given him one before I left, but the chunk of Tardis was the best I could do at the time."

"It's a bit more clunky than yours, and it hasn't got as many settings. It's all he could do with Earth technology and a few things he borrowed from Torchwood's stockpiles."

"Aw, but it's brilliant! It really is. Certainly considering what he had to work with. 'Course, he started off as me; he had to be clever."

"It's broken." That bit came out sadly, and it made him look up in an instant. As soon as he had he was studying the device in his hands more closely, because he couldn't bear to see her that way and if he could fix it he would. Luckily enough right now that meant he only needed to literally fix something—which he was good at.

"It hasn't worked since that night. He'd have had it fixed by the next morning…" Rose was saying.

The Doctor pulled his own sonic screwdriver from his jacket. "Well, it's not too bad off—just got knocked about. A few loose connections. I think I can set it to rights easily enough. Hold on."

She watched him work at it—fiddling with a wire here and sonicing something there—and in a few minutes it was indeed working again.

"There! See? Good as new." He handed it over, and she took it gratefully. "It's yours now," he said, more seriously. "I'm sure he'd want you to use it."

"Thank you…" She trailed off, made a face and looked away.

"Do you want me to go?" he asked quietly.

"No." She scrubbed at her face again, and then stood quickly. She tucked her husband's sonic screwdriver into her jumper pocket and came around the bed. "I'm ready to get out of here now, actually. If you are."

The Doctor stood and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I'm always ready," he shrugged good-naturedly.

"So where are we going?"

"You might want another layer; I was thinking something with snow. Maybe we should ski. Or ice skating. _That's_ an idea; haven't done that in a while."

"Ice skating?" Rose asked, a little incredulously.

"What?" She was right though; it did sound a little absurd at this particular moment, but he was warming to the idea all of sudden and he grinned. "Why not? It's been so long I'll probably fall quite a lot. All the more fun for you; you can laugh at me. And of course I don't mean Earth." She'd taken his arm at some point so he led her toward the control room, still rambling because that was what he was good at.

"Ice fields of Capriala VII! That's it. That's where we ought to go. Purple ice. Green skies. And the wildlife! Can't believe I didn't take you there before. Then again, so much see. Well, I'll fix that right now..."


End file.
